I hope one day I will still see you in heaven

Out of the blue i found a name card, Disneyland entrance ticket and a Paul Smith perfume testing card in the hidden pocket of my purse. I don't even remember i actually kept all these things in my purse. It's reminded me about him.

I asked myself if i happen to bump into him, what will be my reaction?! What should i say to him?!
While thinking about this, a phase came across my mind. I will tell him,
"I HOPE I WILL STILL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN."

I know it might not be the best thing i should say to him. You must be thinking i'm actually cursing him, right?! No, i'm not. I say it like i mean it. I really hope i can still see him in heaven.

I used to angry at him. Bible says we must forgive and forget. Sometimes, i really think God have a sense of humor. He wants us not only forgive and forget, but also bless our enemy. I find it even hard to forgive, how to even bless?

We human being find it hard to forgive, because we are not willing to surrender to God. We want to be the judge. Like me, deep inside of me, without i realise, i actually have all these scary thought. I want to see what comes around goes around, i want to see him eat back his own shit.

God reminded me about the reason i called the relationship off.
I remember clearly what God told me that time,
"THIS MAN CAN LOSE YOU, BUT HE CANNOT LOSE ME." How much this man need God.

That time, i really want him to get closer to God, experience Jesus more. That's why i choose to take one step backward. Even though along the way, he hurt me alot with his lies and betrayed. But, it shouldn't change the original purpose.

How many times i have broken God's heart?! Still He forgive me if only i ask. Who i am today is all because of the mercy of God, not because of my hard work. I didn't earn my blessing, it's all because the grace of God.

I will surrender all to Jesus. He will be the judge. No matter what is going to happen to him, good or bad. I will still pray that he won't lose Jesus. I will still see him in heaven.